i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
