God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
