i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
