This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
