Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I died a long time ago.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
