My first STD was from a foam party
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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