I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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