yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He passed out mid-signature
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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