i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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