Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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