Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
