if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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