I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize