The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
