Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
