I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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