My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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