Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
