I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just threw up on my dentist
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
