the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
