Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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