so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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