I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
