She said her name was "party"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No stitches, just platelets and will power
nutella sex= disaster
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
