every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
