seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he thought i was a dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
