Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize