Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize