the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
