So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
