clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
