You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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