Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
