I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
