From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
