dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
