i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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