I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
