dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
