just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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