life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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