Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
