Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
