im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
