had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
