i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize