my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
