Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize