Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
