dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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