How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
