Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
