it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
