My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
