I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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