don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize