Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
