woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
