So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
