Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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