Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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