Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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