We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
