As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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