just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
