He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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