I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
