my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
