Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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